No One Would Believe You Anyway
I.
at your seventeen dawn “yes”
[he hates phonies most of all]
you do too Dearly Beloved
peaceandloveandallthat
punkin-lunkin pancakes
slathered in butter dripping
with sweet syrup 1966
“he’s such a gentle soul”
at the dusk in a sidelong glance
s o m e t h i n g protrudes
through a weak seam or
causes an unnatural bump
to swell beneath the shirt
non-human eyes flit side to
side w e i r d tongue darts
from a drooling maw
gait like an ape
inexplicable
horrifying a guttural growl
[hallucinations you’re mistaken]
II.
Bridal illusion is a soft
mesh net fabric
often used for veils
or layered over opaque
cloth to create an
ethereal effect. Illusions
are peaceful places.
You preferred living there.
Plastic flatware was sterling.
Cratchit Christmases, gilded.
Paper plates, Limoges.
His plan to smother
you one Autumn day
on the uphill footpath
in the deserted forest
in northern Illinois
then sliding your infant
under the surface of
the nearby river until
she drifted away,
was thwarted only
by his overwhelming fear
of capture this time.
You were communing with nature.
Hippie-style. Silly flower child.
Not a runaway, a tossed aside.
Didn’t see the hesitation,
slack face, disappointment,
nor his defeat and resignation.
His need for power and control.
You didn’t see anything, did you?
[You doubt. And you forget.]
III.
You rested your mind in the tangible.
The slippery satin quilt.
Butter pecan ice cream.
Sunny afternoons in Chicago
supported by Big Shoulders.
Civil Rights rallies. A fragrant rose.
Sapphire skies. Puffy clouds.
Cesar Chavez. NFWA picket lines.
Your baby’s first laugh aloud.
Road trips in the VW bus.
The soothing rhythm of lane markers
ticking like a time bomb.
Big birds threw shadows
across your eyes, too. Drifting.
Helpless with Neil in North Ontario.
Where “My darling, I don’t give a damn”
and “Tomorrow is another day” reside.
the forest with the uphill footpath
ceased to exist.
You found his secret poem.
Read over and over.
“The sag of her face as the life drained out.”
“The sag of her face as the life drained out.”
“The sag of her face as the life drained out.”
The hidden life of an upstanding citizen.
Fiction. Horror. Forget them.
Dissociated. Only in the Dark Wood
of dreams lurked the abandoned
factory in Tijuana and Alma,
the one before you.
[No one would believe you anyway.]